Thursday, 7 September 2017

To All The Hopeful Dads

An Open Letter to All the Hopeful Dads Out There:

I know what you're going through. I've been there. Maybe what you want is your own child to dress up like you, to play games with, or teach things to. Maybe you want nothing more than to give your partner what she wants more than anything in the world - likely both. I know how you feel, because I am there.

Don't blame yourself. You can't control it any more than you can control the weather. It's not your fault so just don't. You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be sad. You're going to be both, but don't ever blame yourself. It's easy to get caught up in the masculinity of things, but don't let pride hold you back, because there are solutions. More than a handful of times I've heard women talk about how their significant others refuse to get tested, or even talk about their issues. Don't let this prevent you from feeling the joy of fatherhood. Instead of feeling shame that you are not a man, be the man you're meant to be and deal with the problem.

Stay positive and find the humor in the process. Other people may not get your jokes, but they don't have to because the jokes aren't for them. I was playing on a volleyball team over the summer and a member from the other team dove for the ball and hit it under the net - smack dab into my junk. Consequently, I hit the sand like a sack of potatoes. When I finally recovered someone apologized and said, "I hope I didn't mess anything up", to which I responded - "that's okay, they don't work anyway" - nobody laughed, but the joke was for me.

Remember that you're not alone. Your partner is going through this too - and likely they need you more than you need them. Don't isolate yourself, and don't isolate them. This will pass, and it will make you both stronger, but only if you let it. Your resolve is being tested. Don't fail the test. Don't pass the test. Nail that test to the damn wall - and then put a baseball bat through it because you're strong enough when you're together.

Don't let ignorance get to you. I read an article about the Alberta government considering covering the cost of fertility treatments, much like other provinces already do. I was dumb enough to read the commentary. I'm not sure why I expected people to be supportive and understanding, but I was wrong. Instead I saw comments about how people who have fertility issues should be forced to adopt instead. Don't let people like this get to you, they don't know what they're talking about, and their self-righteous ignorance has no bearing on your life. What they don't know is that adoption is actually a far more expensive and far more time consuming process. Not to mention the discrimination of denying someone with the inability to have their own children naturally - the option to try.

Try not to hate the people that tell you, "Don't worry, it will happen." They're just trying to help in the only way they know how. Remember that they would fix it for you if they could, but they're more helpless in this than you are. As much as you want to punch them in the face, they really do mean well.

And finally, don't lose hope. It's a long, arduous, and painful journey - but the best things in life are worth waiting for.


Lefty the Hopeful Dad


  1. 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌


  2. Wow! What a great way to share your journey and direct such inspiring and amazing advice, support and knowledge to those who need it the most and may feel alone in the entire experience! You make it ok for others to feel what they are feeling!